NOTE*** This journal entry is pretty long and depressing, so please don't read it if you don't want to! Dx







First thing: Finals

My next week is literally full of finals. But afterwards, I can totally chill.
I need to do REALLY good on my finals this year! My marks for my classes are pretty low, so I really need to pull them up.

Second Thing: FRIENDS
My gosh, have we not all had this problem? I'm seriously starting to doubt who my friends are. There are a few that I know I can keep trusting, but there have been a LOT of backstabbing and gossiping lately. One of my closer/closest friends is suddenly REALLY distant from me. I don't know if she's mad at me, or if she isn't feeling herself - or both. And then there's another friend who is being a total...bitch for lack of better words (sorry for the language!). Everytime I go to my locker (that I share with one of my good friends) and she sees me, she just walks away without even saying "hi/hey/wassup". Normally, I would just ignore this, but now, one of my closer friends told me that she's been backstabbing me and this other person, and telling our friends stuff we've never even SAID.
Obviously, I understand that it's not all her fault - I probably have some fault in this too. But the things she's saying and the "blackmail" she's using is seriously starting to go overboard. And then when I confront her, she acts like nothing's happened. Augh. I don't even know who to believe anymore - the friend I thought I was close with, or her; right now things are so complicated that I don't know who to trust anymore. Or maybe I just should not trust myself? I don't know. I hate myself for not knowing who to trust, and for being a bad friend to some of my friends.

Third Thing: BOYS
I swore off them. I did. And then I met someone I think I might like. AUGH. Life's so complicated, no? He's REALLY sweet, and extremely nice. Plus, he has a wonderful smile - but I don't know if I like him as a friend, or as something more. -hits self- STUPID. ._____.'' I'm really dense when it comes to things like this. OTL'''

Fourth Thing: FAMILY
My parents have always argued (mostly my mom yelling at me or my dad), but recently, it's gotten worse. EVERY fight ends with my mom telling my dad (and sometimes me) to move out and that she doesn't care. I'm worried for my mom, because she's had a life-threatening disease; she's survived it so far (Amber and Emily; PLEASE don't tell your parents! Dx ). However, I think she might be depressed - as in ACTUALLY suffering from depression, from what happened - doctors say that it's quite common, so I'm really worried about my mom.
Things have been alright for these two days, but something tells me it's going to change soon. Honestly, I'm really scared for her. Her health is slowly getting better, but everytime she gets angry or mad, she gets sick after. It's horrible.

Five Thing: ME
My new year's resolution involved me dieting, and becoming a nicer person. It's started off pretty bad. I got in a huge fight with a friend (it's resolved now).
And for dieting, I don't know. I personally want to go on one of those healthy diets where you drink more water and eat for veggies and fruits, but I'm scared that it'll turn into some sort of obsession with my body - and end up as one of those "I will not eat ANYTHING" diets.

I guess, overall, the year started off alright, and is starting to turn for the worst. I'm just so confused and stressed!

FINAL THING: ART
I will be uploading/working on art the week after next week, when finals are over. To my wonderful, patient watchers: Please wait for a little bit more!